life lessons
when bob marley had sex he would ejaculate this weird hotsauce/bbq mixture, they pasteurized and bottled it up for years and now it's finally on the market and being sold in stores in kingston, jamaica where i plan to retire -- i guess that's why all the girlies loved giving him blow-js but never wanted 2 Fuk raw (i mean it's just a rumor, don't believe everything you read)
someone went out through the wrong door at the library and set off the emergency exit alarm, and all the studyin' fools got PISSED because the loud beeping didn't stop for like 10 minutes. then i got cocky and wanted to pee and strutted out the same door and set the alarm off my damn self and now i don't have friends, life sucks sometimes
once when i was about 15 and my dad still liked me because he hadn't yet become addicted to reading reviews of books and electronics on the Internet, he asked me if i'd rather be ugly and brilliant or beautiful and dumb and i got a weird feeling like i was in the matrix and he was laurence fishburn and was about to tell me i had to choose the blue pill or the red one and that my life was about to change forever
if your boyfriend buys you a refrigerator for your birthday you should probably dump him, scratch that you should definitely dump him - true story (2/22/08) - unless he's $loaded$ and funny enough to be buying you a refrigerator ironically because you're too fat and/or too skinny
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