27 September 2009

My life in numb3rs


  • Pens I've lost since school began: 4
  • Pens that have run out of ink: 1
  • Pens bought in the past month: 9
  • Times I've spilled in the library since 9/18 (2.5 weeks into school): 7--one of which required running to the bathroom for paper towels. Twice.
  • Lies I've told today: 6 (approximate)
  • Times I've had sex: 3
  • Times I've heard my housemates have sex: 1
  • Times I've sat in the living room in my towel fresh out of the shower, waiting for my housemate to finish having sex: 1
  • Times I've almost hit a cat on my bike: 1
  • Money I have spent: $4 bajillion dollars
  • Cheap vodka I have drank: upwards of a handle
  • Bottles of wine I have drank: 3-4+
  • Papers I've written: 1 "response paper", 1 thesis proposal, 100 love notes
  • Times I've vacuumed: 0
  • Days deodorant has stung on my left armpit because I cut it while shaving: 2.5
  • Times I've talked to Carrie on gchat about dicks: at least 4
  • Hours at work I've spent only doing homework/not my job: 3
  • Shits I've taken: surprisingly regular amount
    • follow-up--Laxatives I've taken: 0 (!!!!!)
  • Non-rent related emails I've gotten from Sweaty Chris, the landlord: 2
  • Cups broken in my home: at least 4-5
  • Hearts broken in my home: at least 4-5
  • Wrists slit in my home: 3
  • Skulls broken in my home: at least 4-5
  • Cups of cold tea I've drunk: infinity
  • Number of pairs of underwear my mom has sent me that it turns out she actually bought for herself: 1
  • Number of minutes I stared at the underwear wondering in the purple blotches on it were stains or intentional: 20
  • Humans under age 10 that were at the party I went to on Saturday: 3
  • Days until my 21st birthday: 31
  • Days until a nervous breakdown: 6
  • Times I've had my period this month: 2 (?!?!)
  • Greatest parts of the week: Mon/Wed 6:10-7:30pm
  • Schedule of my class with Dejan, balding croation profe[dreamboat]ssor: Mon/Wed 6:10-7:30pm
  • Days its rained: like 1? 1.5 tops.
  • Number of people who have poured their hearts/personal lives out to me unexpectedly: 2
  • Number of gay 27-year-old friends I have who got shout-outs in a column in OUT! magazine for being kissed hard against a parking meter: 1
  • Number of straight 2o-year-old girls whose name rhymes with Sharika who are jealous of above shout-out: 1
  • Hours I could waste coming up with stupid things to say in this post: too many
  • Pies I've made: 6
  • Hours I've watched of BBC miniseries North and South: 4 [=all]
  • My thesis desk number: 190
  • My mail box number: 1302
  • Number of kiwis that my housemate has put in the microwave, without consent: 1

BITE ME.

***ADDENDUM:
  • Number of people who will read this: 4-5
    • follow up-- Number of people who will read this all the way through: 0-1
ALSO
These numbers represent THIS SCHOOL YEAR. Not my entire life.
I've lost many more pens/spilled more things.
That's basically the only difference.

23 September 2009

OKAY



As a general rule, I don't do anything.
I've had teh question "IS YOUR THYROID MAKING YOU FAT" running over and over in my head for about two days.

10 September 2009

Wisdom of The East


Things I learned in the royal town/ancient village of Dhrangadhra,
1. I am very sensitive to smells. 1/150,000 scents in India are not unpleasant.
2. Wavy or curly hair makes people question your hygiene.
3. Indians don't get pimples
4. Parachute pants. Will never die.
5. Benchode means sisterfucker in Gujarati.