DON'T MAKE 5ENSE!!

Things I have seen:

• A nun in a sushi restaurant
• A blind person with a Chihuahua in her purse
• A giant cat
• Someone’s parents eating weed cornbread at thanksgiving
• Mysteriously black/blueish knuckles of my right hand middle and ring fingers.

Things I have heard:

• The resident college gaming n3rd talking about sex, cybersex and porn
• Joy outside the library on a Friday evening (including someone shouting “hi seniors!”)
• Someone who I’m not ready to hear pass gas, pass gas while sleeping. Five times.
• Someone who I’ve heard pass gas for the past year and a half, pass gas in the bathroom. And the living room. And his room. Multiple times.

Things I’ve smelled:

• A cellphone post microwaving
• My elementary school art room in a market aisle
• My grandpa’s pipes that he stopped smoking when my older sister (then 4-5ish) hid them. Clearly not too attached to them if he couldn’t find a preschooler’s hiding place. Somewhere on the street.

Things I’ve touched:

• The hearts of many
• A probably lice-infested and/or Hepatitis-B carrying, free Lotsa Heart Elephant Care Bear Cousin stuffed animal.

Things I’ve tasted:

• Sweet, salty, bitter regret