Dear Blog-world,I am writing this from the floor of the living room in my sister's apartment.
It is 11:46pm, Pacific Standard time.
It is Wednesday, the magical 14 minutes before Christmas Eve.
I just peed behind my sister's apartment.*
It was an act of rebellion, conscientiousness, boredom, and avoidance of less desired situations.
But I was semi-caught.
So, if you're reading this, liv, I didn't get a call. I was just pissing in your backyard.
*If you would like a detailed explanation of events, please refer to the comments; if you like a little mystery, don't.
4 comments:
Approximately forty minutes prior to writing this post, my sister and her boyfriend retired to bed. I too prepared to sleep, because I intend to go to a nearby dance class at 8:30 in the morning tomorrow (doubt me, bitches, it'll just make me do it harder.)
Since my last urination- which was roughly 4 hours before I retired for the night- I have drank most of a water bottle (the last few sips of which were Emergen-C), had a few sips of juice, and, over the course of the past two hours, have been nursing a 20 oz cup of decaf green tea. (we all know green tea has double the urination-inducing power of your typical black, white or herbal variety).
After twenty minutes of laying on my shockingly not mattress-quality comfort comforter, which is all that is between me and the hardwood floor, my bladder begging me to relieve it, I hatched a plan. I would have to pee outside.
It was an attempt to not wake my sister and her boyfriend by walking through their room to use the one bathroom (no, I was not worried they were "doing it," or that any tangential activities or states of undress were afoot. I just didn't want to have to walk through their room, probably wake them up, probably get pee-shy, have to turn on the faucet to fake it, then walk back through their room, and spend the rest of the night in pain, having not solved my problem).
So I decided to skip straight to plan B (or, plan P, shall we say!!).
Unfortunately, I did wake my sister up, and it got weird.
I had faced some tricky obstacles in location choice--all plant life was very close to people's homes, and very well-lit. So, I had around the back of the apartment, and decided I'd have to pee on the pavement.
My sister didn’t get up until after I had left the apartment. She saw me peering through the living room window (because she had emerged from her room, clearly worried there were robbers or something of the sort). I was making sure I wasn’t going to be walked out on by some alarmed neighbor.
I told her I got a call and didn’t want to wake them up. She said I could talk inside.
I hadn’t peed yet.
And I had already committed to this plan.
And even though she was already up, it may have been weird to say, OH YEAH, I HAVE TO PEE, BUT DIDN’T WANT TO BOTHER YOU.
So I told her I would come in the front door in a second.
Then I almost couldn’t pee.
But I did it.
the end.
GOOD THING IT WASN'T #2, AM I RIGHT?
PS
Right after I got back into "bed" I realized I had to pee again.
I spent the next three hours calculating whether my kidneys would fail before 7:45am.
I got up around 2:30am to pee anyway.
In the bathroom.
And it was weird.
My sister just asked me how talking to the person I said I got the call from last night was.
she bought it. oh i am good.
uh also there is a poop behind my apartment so i'm guessing you did poop.
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