ca$hin in my V-card

hi. it has been as long time. let me explain. please.

my mom decided to spur of the moment come to portland for a grand total of 5 hours on friday. immediately after she left, my computer went weird and all it would show me was a folder with a question mark. these two events may or may not be related. as a result, i am typing this at work right now. but it's i'm pretty sure it's ok, because my boss Paul just told me a 20 minute story about the sweater his german wife knit for him.

Now, let me tell you about my weekend.
While Carrie spent her valentines day in paris with questionably gendered 35 year olds and went to bed with a bottle of wine and an ambien, i had a slightly less romantic day (how could it not be? did i mention she met said middle aged trannies at a club?)

First, i drank a laxative. it was red, so i felt pretty satisfied with how how well it fit the theme of the day.
then i went to school. which was DESERTED because everyone was in their rooms either
a.) suckin and fuckin or b.) crying and sighin.
i on the other hand was writin and shittin (i know, it doesn't work, it was a stretch, i went for it, sue me).
i got a valentine in my school mailbox from "Rihanna" to "Chris Brown" which means someone at this school sees their and my relationship as something comparable to the abusive relationship of two young black popstars. the inside of the card is some sort of under the sea theme and says "you're crazy cool." only my admirer had crossed out the word cool. So-interpretation number 2- someone at this school thinks i'm an abusive r&b artist who writes bad songs but i'm not hip, just totally weird. i also got a lovely heart that said "so ejaculate frequently." This was not from who i first assumed it was, so on top of my girlfriend-beating image, someone out there thinks i need to cum more.

I spent the evening with my two male housemates and a friend. Toby (friend) almost barfed, claire (girl housemate-stoned), rj (boy housemate #1) and i went and got shitty mexican food really far away. there i made an ass of myself by being unable to understand the man behind the counter. but he got me back for it by filling my cheese enchilada with beef.
we returned home, toby had passed out in ryan (boy housemate #2)'s bed. claire went to bed. at 2am ryan and rj went to hang out with their lady friends.

i cleaned up temporary tattoo debris from the living room, then tried reading a little bit (the book was fittingly titled Love in the Ruins) but ended up listening to Cat Power and falling asleep.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.
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