Cokewood

The only mail I get is from my highschool asking for ca$$$h money.  Recently they decided to get hip and sent an email with a three and a half minute "hilarious video!!" that features the headmaster and celebrities whose kids go to the school telling us to--and here's the kicker-- "NOT give money to Oakwood."  Then they come around and say yes, you SHOULD give money to Oakwood if you care at all about children or the world or the future or the disadvantaged or peace or you reputation or this.

Given that I have been out of school for roughly 3 years, here is a list of the things I would like to spend money on rather than donate to my school (in no particular order): 

Tickets to whatever show they're putting on:

The complete rights to her vagina and any fame or fortune that may come of it:

A Bat Mitzvah:

This Vest:

His virginity:

My way into an all Asian-Gossip-Girl-styled Ivy League:

 

The rights to this product:

These nice ladies some lunch:

Her Child:

A backyard lightrail:

This album: