OKAY

As a general rule, I don't do anything.
I've had teh question "IS YOUR THYROID MAKING YOU FAT" running over and over in my head for about two days.

Wisdom of The East

Things I learned in the royal town/ancient village of Dhrangadhra,
1. I am very sensitive to smells. 1/150,000 scents in India are not unpleasant.
2. Wavy or curly hair makes people question your hygiene.
3. Indians don't get pimples
4. Parachute pants. Will never die.
5. Benchode means sisterfucker in Gujarati.

Save me, I'm drowning!

I have a baby crush on one of the lifeguards at Camp Tunfime**
The problem is, his name is Albert. And, in all seriousness, I can never, ever imagine myself having any sort of relationship or relations with a boy named Albert.
Something must be done.

Meanwhile...
From the cyber desk of Simona R. Zappas:
"will you ever update your blog? some of your devoted followers are curious about what has happened in your life."

Hi Simona,
yes. we will.
love,
marika

ps carrie got some retarded tattoo yesterday. if she cares about anyone (including me) she'll write about it. and let you all know if i mean retarded as in developmentally delayed (=really, really dumb) or retarded as in ReTaRdEd (=mad dank).

**name changed to protect my job.

I go to the same restaurants as John Stamos

Two gay boys told me how cute they thought my outfit was multiple times today. And let me tell you, it was a tight, high-wasted risk, so that was quite a feat.

My dad informed me that he has started trying to catch our dog's poop (with a bag, although give it time, he'll "green" this process somehow, and eliminate the bag, I am sure). However, Doe does not like this, and when he tried, she stopped and ran away.

There is a folder next to me on my bed labelled "BREAST FEEDING." It is full of cut out pictures of squirrels. I'm not going to explain myself, because it is better like that.
There's also a cutout of a "Squirrel X-ing" sign in there.

I just got out of the shower, and there is an inexplicable snot-like beady strand of a substance across my computer, onto a pair of leggings on my bed, down onto the floor next to my bed. I do not know what it is. I do not know if it came out of the shower with me, was there before I left, or appeared while I was showering.
Possibilities:

• dog snot
• shampoo
• animal saliva
• vaginal discharge
• brain fluid
• soap
  
• baby oil
• bird projectile clear bile vomit
• other

I'm crossing my fingers it's number one. That seems like the most harmless.

Tomorrow is father's day. Prepare yourselves for wonder.
I'll write about India when I finish unpacking from it...so give me a good week or two.

Okay. So I'm going to write the very first serious post that has ever been posted on this blog because that's just the mood I'm in. I'm going back to the USA in a few days and before I turn over a new and even more excruciatingly vulgar leaf a propos of this blog, I am going to post an introspective list of what I think I know. I might delete this l8r and replace it with a picture of b00bs.

RULES I THINK PEOPLE SHOULD TRY TO LIVE BY.
by Carrie Battan

Things are never as good as you think they're gonna be.
Things are never as bad as you think they're gonna be.
Things are almost always mediocre.
If you're debating whether or not to say something to someone, and if saying something to someone seems instantly gratifying, DON'T SAY IT. If you think something is borderline funny but you're not sure, DON'T SAY IT.
Trust your own opinions before you trust anyone else's, unless you're stupid. Pick out the people whose opinions you value and let them give you advice. Don't ever take advice from people you don't even respect, or people who you'd never wanna trade lives with.
People usually forgive easily.
Even if you know you weren't wrong, just say sorry as sincerely as possible cuz it's the easiest way to resolve a problem. If sorry is the first thing to come out of your mouth, people are gonna forgive you 99% of the time.
Just cuz something seems "hard" and like it's going to "take a lot of work" doesn't mean you're going to be a "better person" afterward. What doesn't kill you can usually make you weaker.
When you find yourself bitching about something, you almost always make things out to sound worse than they are, so when you listen to someone bitch about something, have sympathy but keep in mind they are probably exaggerating x2 or x3.
People will always like you if you compliment them. So compliment people, even if it's sort of fake. But not too much or they'll think you're desperate and weird.
Turn off the lights the first 5 times you have sex with someone.
TV characters are usually more relatable than your real friends.
Always wait at least 30 seconds before replying when someone gchats you.
Someone has probably called you ugly, or fat, or mean, or stupid behind your back within the last 12 hours and they probably didn't really mean it. Shittalk is actually never a reflection of people's true feelings. All publicity is good publicity, so take it as a compliment when someone shittalks you. Shittalk is the highest form of flattery. Start rumors about yourself.
If you feel like you have to "make an effort" to sustain a good friendship with someone, it's not worth it. Just stop talking to them.
Just cuz he has big hands and feet doesn't mean he's got...


Battan-

Hvnt sn indn dick yet. Will wrte asap when Punjabi cock is revealed.

Lv nd ksses
Marika


FIN.