Fuck, man

Fuck.

Pig Nipples

Thirty-eight years ago today, Marta Lovera Parquet was born. Who knew that just twenty-five years after that, this sparkling young specimen would be crowned Miss Paraguay-Universe.
I think we're all pretty sure that there is a god afterall.

However, seventeen years after the birth of our Paraguayan angel, this creature was unleashed into the world by way of Lisa Bliss' ladyparts:


As our dear and oft mentioned friend Sarah Bliss celebrates turning twenty-one in a country where her fifteen year old brother, his mysterious friend Caswell (who somehow got to tag along on the Bliss-family-trip-to-visit-Sarah-in-Denmark) can get drunk and go to a karaoke bar with her cold sore and goatee sporting Billy Bob Thorton look-alike father, I take this time to reflect of the formative years of Sarah's youth, that were so influential to the creation of the Texan we know and love today.


Sarah made it against all odds and survived her first year and a half without a neck.

At a young age, learned that shittin' with a smile is much easier than shittin' with a frown.
Before she was old enough to ride a two-wheeler bike, Sarah knew what needs to be done to get the boys in the palm of her hand.
Sarah Bliss has always been a nurturer of those younger, blonder and nakeder than her.
Happy Birthday

with love from san antonio (c/o copenhagen, part IV)

Sarah: well currently my brother and his friend and my FATHER are at a bar down the street singing karaoke
Sarah: and they are all drunk.
and my dad called me like two minutes after he left and was like, "dude* sarah, we are at this super swanky pub down the street, it's so much funN!!!!!!!!!! you guys need to come"

Sarah: and my dad is trying to grow a goatee because he has a cold sore

and he looks like billy bob thorton

*why doesn't my dad call me "dude"?

Active citizenSHIT

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Reclaiming (or reCLAMing) My Youth

My very very kind friend sent me a link to this product. I think she was trying to give me a hint.
"No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood [ew] not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable [do you realize how great this will be for brothels? Every girl's a virgin!]. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction [what IS this magic substance?].

Feature:

• Easy to use
  
• Place inside vagina 15-20 minutes before intercourse
• Soluble and expandable at body heat
• Clinically proven non-toxic to human
• No side effects, no pain to use, no allergic reaction
• Made in Japan
• This item will be shipped from China [???]"

The best part, however, is in the comments:

Scott.C Says:
January 20th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Bought one for my daughter as she lost her virginity during a party. Didnt convince her boyfriend and she has subsequently been 'dumped' [so not dumped, just 'dumped'?] by her boyfriend because she "lied about her virginity" and im now faced with the task of cheering her up (going to be very expensive!) [?!?!?!?!?!]. DO NOT BUY!!!

HOPE DADDY'S GOT $$$